I'm Emily, an eighteen year old residing in South New Jersey. Part time lover and full time friend. Gender neutral: they/them appreciated but she/her acceptable. Literature enthusiast. I value sleep and friendship. Be my friend, please.


73/100 of Kristen Stewart 

Sigh. Anyway. A quick update on my life:  I’m feeling very lost and alone and unloved. I’m feeling very pressured and trapped and stressed and overwhelmed. Tomorrow I go for a hand x-ray which will determine if I have RA or not. I don’t think my boyfriend even remembers it’s tomorrow but I’m not even going to bother him with it. I’m feeling the worst I’ve ever felt honestly. God damn it, I’m so alone. Sigh. Anyway, so yeah tomorrow is very, very important. Just send me all the positive thoughts you can, I really need them. I’ve had this awful gut wrenching feeling lately that something bad is going to happen. I don’t know what it is or to whom it’s going to happen, but I just can’t shake it. Hopefully it’s not true. I’ve been crying a lot lately. I cry a lot anyway, but lately it’s been much more frequent. I was making a list of music for my boyfriend but I stopped. He doesn’t care anyway. I’m very heartbroken. Very conflicted. If anyone could imagine hugging me and then sending that warmth telepathically to me I’d very much appreciate it. Sometimes that’s enough. Maybe I’ll take a bath tonight. I want to feel warm. God, I just feel so awful. I’m crying right now and this fucking sucks. I just want someone to rely on. If anyone could give me any insight whatsoever about anything, I’d greatly appreciate it. Right now I’m in the middle of deciding whether to finish high school or go for my GED. Right now, the only thought in my head is that no one loves me. That’s pretty sad I think. Sigh. This is embarrassing. So yeah, that was my life update!!! I hope you are having a great day and I hope you are happy. You really deserve it. I love you.

You gotta keep the step. You gotta limber up. You gotta loosen what you bolted down. You gotta use all you got. We know you’re tired, tired and scared. Happens to everyone, okay? Just don’t let your feet stop.
Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance (via whyallcaps) ←

I am so in love but what happens when the person you love just doesn’t change? What happens when the person you’re in love with doesn’t care about you or your feelings? What happens when the person you’re in love with, who you’re convinced is your soul mate, doesn’t take you into consideration, doesn’t even bother thinking about how something will affect you? What happens then? Do I look beyond it? Do I put up with it? I’m so in love, he’s the love of my life, but he clearly doesn’t feel the same way. What happens then? 

Just because two people are capable of deeply hurting each other over and over again does not make them passionate, star-crossed lovers. It makes them two people who keep doing terrible things to each other. Someone’s ability to make you completely and utterly soul-crushingly miserable does not mean they are a soul mate with some deep insight into your psyche. They are just someone who is really good at making you unhappy.
Andrea Greb, You Are Not Blair Waldorf (via beware-beware) ←

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We live in a society that’s sexist in ways it doesn’t understand. One of the consequences is that men are extremely sensitive to being criticized by women. I think it threatens them in a very primal way, and male privilege makes them feel free to lash out.

This is why women are socialized to carefully dance around these issues, disagreeing with men in an extremely gentle manner. Not because women are nicer creatures than men. But because our very survival can depend on it.